Kneads Must ...

Who would have thought from a brief conversation over dinner with friends we would be where we are now with the bakery. In the time it takes a new mother to cook her firstborn we have created a new addition to our family that is growing and making us so very proud. We've been overwhelmed at how positively it has been received and somewhat daunted at times at how quickly it is growing.

It's been something that was created out the necessity to find Andrew another avenue for his career and for me to see my amazing husband succeed as he so rightly deserves. It's not all been plain sailing though, we thought we would be able to grow it with the financial security of my full time role behind us, but that part didn't really go to plan. Still, it's funny how things pan out and I am convinced there is a reason for everything, it just might take you a while to work out what it is. A nasty accident caused me to have some prolonged time off work, then the double whammy of job insecurity, left us somewhat in panic mode! It was obvious that the role I loved was no longer going to continue and we went almost over night from feeling relatively secure and confident that we could slowly build the business, to worrying about our future and relying on the business needing to succeed. Like many of my girl-friends, I was the main breadwinner (excuse the pun!) and whilst nursing at the level I was gave me immense satisfaction, it also brought it's own challenges. However, the realisation was there... the hard facts... the mortgage could not be paid on bread earnings alone. At least not right now...

It felt very scary not having a regular income, a certain loss of identity I guess. But it did bring a new opportunity to rethink about what was important and at the end of the day, for us, family and home is all that matters. I am lucky being a nurse though, it's a unique job in so far as you can always get work. There are a lot of nursing agencies out there where the ability to earn is quite good, but it's not a quick fix - the process for getting all the paperwork in place is quite laborious. Frustrations of dealing with multiple people, telling them all the same story again and again for them to send you jobs that aren't appropriate really does not add to any enthusiasm. Equally some agencies recruit you quicker than you can press send on your CV email, giving the realisation that you don't want to be working from them if you value your registration!! DBS application after DBS application and compliance forms all asking for the same information but worded slightly differently just made me more and more frustrated - I could have planted a small forest on the paper generated and in the end concluded it wasn't for me.

So, what to do? I was sure there must be a way to get the balance right. I just needed a bit of bravery, a lot of good luck and no more accidents!

1) Agency nursing ? no not for me.

2) Another full time job? maybe, it would secure a monthly income but did I want to jump straight back in to another intense role?

3) Downgrade? just do a job that pays the bills - that's not me, I have to feel I am making a difference and I'm not someone who can just go to work do the job and come back home.

I worked out quite quickly what sort of organisation I wanted to work for and decided I had two choices; to either wait until the right job came up and pray for a lottery win, or be a little creative and look at the problem in a new way. The latter option kind of evolved naturally, I set myself up as an Independent Nurse Consultant and slowly, things started to slot in to place. I want to continue to nurse, it's important to me - not only as a requirement for my professional registration, but because I love it and, even though I say so myself, I'm good at it! The key thing for me is to work for organisations that have good ethics , value their employees and strive to make a difference to their patients. No job is perfect, but if you are in control of your own destiny you have a chance of finding good middle ground.

I started working a few days a week at a private Cancer Centre in London. The hours are great and even allow me to walk my youngest to school before catching the train in and starting my shift. I know the team there and have been impressed with the care they give. I put myself through my PRINCE2 training and it's been invaluable - although probably one of the hardest courses I have ever done ( or was it just my old brain...!!) It's helped me enormously realise how I would do things differently next time but also how well I did not knowing what I know now. I've secured a couple of projects which is very exciting giving some added revenue whilst having the luxury of time at home.

Despite all the trauma of the last 9 months, it looks like we are finding our way through and are so lucky to be able to balance our working and family life. It's not easy and we are by no means completely through the other side but it's fun. The bakery is going from strength to strength and who knows where we will be in another year's time. For the moment though, as I am looking out on the garden I can see why this is the right path. All 4 children bouncing around on the trampoline in the rain, Rolo the dog desperate to join in ... baby chick and duck being very loud about wanting to see the outside world... the horses taking the odd break in their grass munching to see what all the noise is about and Andrew baking bread rolls and loaves for tomorrow. My week has brought walks to school, meeting a variety of interesting people, riding my horse, pootling in the allotment and LOVING being a nurse.

Next week... more of the same with an added bit of freelance work teaching some students how to stick needles in patients and do it well, that's the tricky bit.

Change is scary, you can rally against it all you like but it will still happen, it's how you adapt to it that's the important bit and at the end of the day - thankfully, there's always bread...